I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize