I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
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you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
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She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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