I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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