You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Drunk is not a location!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
