Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
