I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
