saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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