You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
