the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
