I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
