Do you still have your period?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
