his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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