i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
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And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
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I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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