On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
