I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
