please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
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She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
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is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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