i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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