I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
