She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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