It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
