well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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