thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
