This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
