My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I need to align my fucking chakras
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
