I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
