I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
