Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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