Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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