You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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