Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
