I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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