found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
