when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
