WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize