Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My friends, they love my intelligence
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
