you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
