No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You ruined the universe
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
