I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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