shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
