Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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