Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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