Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
