You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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