Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
