Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
