I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
