apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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