He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
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