there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
