The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Text me some of your sweat
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
