Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dick very happy bro
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
