fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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