Umm I'm too high to move.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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