It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
