Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
