I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
