Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
