The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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