Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
