her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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