it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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