you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just had sex on a roof
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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