i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
