you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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