So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
