wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
