just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
