This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
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out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
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It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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