Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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