I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
