I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
