During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
