i already hear my dad disowning me
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Still dying that you shit outside
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
