we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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