I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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