Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
