a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Randomize
