Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
