I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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