God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I won't apologize to a one balled man
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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