Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
