I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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