My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
