I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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